


what's another lonely night?

by hemmingscliffords



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23618170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemmingscliffords/pseuds/hemmingscliffords
Summary: In which Luke is confused and Michael just wants to help.
Relationships: Ashton Irwin/Original Female Character(s), Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood/Original Female Character(s), Luke Hemmings/Original Female Character(s), Luke Hemmings/Original Male Character(s), Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings, Michael Clifford/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	what's another lonely night?

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is so weird for me haha.
> 
> apparently a four year hiatus away from this band mixed with a total lockdown in the UK has caused a newfound, born again writing ambition in me along with a total love for the band that I forgot I even had to begin with.
> 
> anyway, this is a little thing I've belted out kinda fast. title is taken from little mix's new song 'break up song'.
> 
> also straight couple dynamics are dangerous new territory for me, out of respect for the guys' personal lives I won't be including their real life partners, these people are totally made up.
> 
> enjoy.

2016 seems like an awfully long time ago to Luke.

In a way, it could be seen as the band's peak popularity - they were on top of the world, selling record after record, every show was sold out, being played on radio shows left right and centre, loving every minute of this party filled high that they were on. 

Things kind of came crashing down fast for Luke not long after tour ended for their sophomore album, he was in this seemingly never ending cycle of a shit show relationship with his girlfriend at the time, who had introduced him to the world of recreational drugs and this weird, sleazy underground world of celebrity party culture that not many people had the guts to talk about. Still don't to this day, now that Luke thinks about it.

It seemed like every night Luke was strung out on any sort of drug the dark haired girl could score for them, and it seems obvious now that she was clearly seasoned in doing this and had probably done it with previous boyfriends or friends in the past. Looking back now he's aware that people knew he was on drugs of some sort, but a lot of their fans were pretty defensive and would jump to defend him at any given chance; if only they'd have known that the prying eyes and questioning looks from the outsiders were correct. Or maybe they did know and refused to acknowledge it, because the band meant the world to them, no matter what they did in their down time or how sketchy their lives really were.

Luke became addicted to Xanax and cocaine, couldn't really get out of bed at that point without having to snort a line or pop a pill. It's embarrassing to admit to now that it became that bad and that he allowed this woman to drag him down the rabbit hole, especially when he always swore and promised he would never become that person no matter how famous the band became.

The first person in the band to raise his concerns was Michael, and of course it was. Michael hated Luke's girlfriend and knew she was no good from the beginning, no matter how much Calum or Ashton tried to give her a chance Michael knew she was bad news and never even attempted to associate himself with her. Michael was always the good guy, from the beginning he always was, he didn't drink much and he never took drugs, I mean sure the occasional joint to relax but even the novelty of that had fizzled out fast for him. 

One day he opened his mouth, surrounded by their remaining two band mates and a few other important people who were there to keep the guys right, and Luke felt like an ambush or intervention of some sort was coming before Michael even let the words fall from his mouth;

"Luke we think you should check in to rehab before this becomes a serious problem," the words didn't seem laced with concern or anything like Luke might've expected, Michael's tone was cold and he sounded like he was done. Everyone was basically done with Luke at this point, his drug problem had become so much that outside of being in the studio and on tour none of the guys really interacted with him anymore, apart from Calum who was always interested in a party, even though for the most part he stayed away from the drugs and just stuck to his whiskey and his weird cocktails. 

Thinking back, Luke at the time couldn't even remember the last time he'd spoken to his parents or even his brothers. He knew they knew, but they were going to leave him to figure it out for himself because that was just the way his family were. They cared, but they didn't meddle. Just that one time, Luke thinks, he wishes they'd have said something.

He didn't put up much of a fight once their manager and publicist agreed with Michael, Calum and Ashton didn't even open their mouths, they just sat there with crossed arms and fidgeted nervously next to each other trying to avoid eye contact. They were never the two in the band to be a part of any confrontation, unless they felt their input was necessary or they'd just had enough and needed to say something. They were so similar it was kinds of scary.

A week later and Luke was checked into a clinic in L.A, not far away from where his home was but he wasn't allowed to leave until he completed his programme and he had a strict no visitors rule. He didn't even receive phone calls from anybody the whole month he was there, he figures that was deliberate because nobody knew what to say to him anymore. To be honest, he didn't even know what to talk to them all about anymore.

By the time he got out his girlfriend had ran off and it was over before he even got the chance to tell her they were finished. Clearly she couldn't handle being with someone who was clean and needed to find the next person who's life she wanted to ruin. Luke was okay with that, after his time in treatment he felt like a brand new person. He'd put on weight, his hair had the glossy shine back to it and his skin was glowing - he felt good, felt like he was back to being himself again. 

Michael picked him up the day that he got out, and it was the first time Luke had seen Michael smile a genuine smile at him for probably half a year if not longer. They embraced and hugged for what felt like forever, and Luke forgot just how nice it was to be wrapped up around him. He felt like he did when they first met as teenagers, all flustered and not too sure what to do with himself.

"I missed you, Luke," Michael breathed, and just like that he was gone and throwing Luke's bags into the back of his Audi, a new car that he must've acquired in Luke's absence, "You're staying with me for a while, the lease on your apartment was up and the landlord didn't want to renew so you're basically homeless." 

Luke just laughed a little and shrugged, "What can ya do?" he exclaimed, climbing into the car and not even taking a final glance before they pulled away from the facility.

He never, ever, wanted to be that low again that he needed to go back. Never again.

\-----------------------------

It's been almost four years and weirdly Luke still lives with Michael. It became a running joke in the band that they were like an old married couple, Calum is pretty sure they even share a bed.

Which, like, absolutely no way but also Luke wouldn't be opposed to that if Michael wasn't. They basically lived on top of each other anyway they may as well sleep together too.

Wait, no, that's not what he meant. Anyway, Michael had a girlfriend now and even though they didn't live together yet Michael still spent a lot of his nights there, which of course Luke was okay with, he got some alone time and could take girls to the apartment and not feel weird about it anymore, because for a while once Luke got back on the dating scene Michael wasn't overly happy about Luke taking girls back every weekend.

"How're you and Ash getting on in your new house?" Luke asks Calum, they're having their morning coffee on the balcony that overlooks the communal pool in Michael's apartment complex, this became a daily thing on their time off after they'd gone on their morning hike together, it was a nice way to unwind after basically killing themselves running up hills. 

"It's okay I suppose, the place is massive and there's so many empty rooms, I kinda miss the apartment," Calum confesses, and Luke kind of gets it, he would hate being in such a large empty space, he likes when things are cramped and cosy.

"I bet Ash loves it though, plenty of space between the bedrooms and the studio so he can make as much noise as he wants and not have you complain," Luke shrugs, and he's totally not jealous that they have a studio in their fucking house, that's not his dream or anything.

"To be honest I'm greatful for that too, the constant drumming was getting too much, I forgot how much it sucked to live with him after living on my own for so long," Calum chuckles fondly, Luke knows Calum didn't like living alone, "How long do you think it'll be 'til Michael moves out?"

Luke sucks in a breath because, to be completely honest, he hadn't even thought of that at all, and now he was panicking internally a little about the thought of being on his own for the first time in years, "I mean they're pretty serious but it's still a bit early for that isn't it?" He asks, needing some kind of reassurance from Calum about it.

"Well not really, Luke, they were literally just talking about getting a dog together last week," Calum laughs nervously as he takes a drink out of his coffee mug, hissing a little when it burns his tongue, "Or maybe not, y'know, they could finish with each other tomorrow for all we know, maybe I was looking too much into it." 

"Thanks for trying to reassure me Cal but you're probably right, they're perfect for each other aren't they," Luke's voice is almost tinged with jealousy, and he's not too sure where it's come from, he needs to reel it in a little.

"Maybe you should ask when he comes home later?" Calum suggests, shrugging a little, "Just be honest and say if the thought is scaring you, you've not been on your own in so long I know it must be scary to think about."

Luke doesn't reply, he just looks out as the sun rises higher in the sky over California, then he looks over at Calum and takes in his newly bleach blonde hair, the way his baggy t-shirt ripples a little with the light Spring breeze, and they share a mutual smile whilst they finish their coffee in silence.

\-----------------------------

Luke shits it and doesn't ask Michael about anything, doesn't bring up the conversation at all because he doesn't think its relevant. Michael is a grown man who has babysat Luke for long enough and deserves to live his own life without worrying about Luke every waking minute of the day. He knows that Michael has mostly only stayed with him because he's worried that Luke might get back into his old ways without Michael there to ground him, but Luke isn't the same naive boy he was and as much as he is a total idiot he's also not willing to risk his life for a good time anymore. 

Basically, if Michael wants to move in with his girlfriend he's more than welcome to, and Luke will figure out where to go from there when the time comes. 

Luke's sitting on the couch in their living room, strumming softly and singing 'Falling' by Harry Styles because _seriously_ the song tugged at his heartstrings, especially when he was sad and apparently today was one of those days. 

He doesn't even realise that Michael has come home until he's sitting down on the couch opposite him and setting a bottle of Coke in front of Luke, knowing from Luke's habits that he's obviously not eaten or drank anything other than his water during his hike and his strong coffee once he and Calum got back. 

"We broke up," Michael says, and he says it almost like it's the most normal thing in the world to say, as if he's telling Luke he's going for a shower or something. 

Luke abruptly stops strumming his guitar and looks up at Michael, only just now taking in the fact that Michael looks like total shit, his eyes are red and bloodshot like he's been crying and his lips are puffy with how much he's clearly been biting them, "Fuck, Michael I'm so sorry," and for a second Luke questions if he even meant that, because of course he's sad for his best friend but for whatever reason his heart feels like it's beating out of his chest.

"I told her I didn't want to move in yet and that I wasn't ready for that, then she told me she was too old for me and shouldn't of expected anything more from someone as immature as me, and that was it," Michael's so quiet, it's unlike him because he's usually so loud, like a foghorn, "I really thought she was the one, Luke. I could've seen us married with kids and, like, ten dogs. What the fuck did I do wrong?"

He's looking at Luke with these sad eyes, like a dog that's just been kicked, and Luke knows he's about to cry and oh shit, what the fuck was he meant to do in this situation?

Luke eventually gets up and skirts around the coffee table to slide down next to Michael on the couch, offering his arms out for a hug, and Michael accepts it pretty fast, snaking his arms around Luke's waist and breathing into his neck. Luke wraps his arms around Michael's shoulders and rubs them softly with his thumbs to comfort him;

"It's gonna be okay dude, if she wasn't willing to wait for you to be ready then she wasn't the one, right?" Luke's voice is soft as he continues to comfort Michael, his broad back basically engulfing Michael's seemingly small frame. 

They sit in their silent embrace for a moment before Michael is pulling back and wiping his hot tears away from his eyes furiously, "I'm not gonna fucking cry because what's the point in that, it's over and that's it." He says it almost with a newfound confidence, as if something has clicked in his head, like 'fuck that bitch'.

Luke tries not to laugh at that, because seriously fuck that bitch if she couldn't realise Michael was an absolute catch who was gonna make the best husband and dad one day. 

"Should I round up Calum and Ash for a guys night? We can stay in or go out, you pick," Luke suggests, and he watches Michael's eyes light up a bit so clearly that's a good idea in his mind too, "So, is it pizza and studio night or is it alcohol and bar night?"

"Who the fuck do you think I am? _Obviously_ the bar and alcohol is the better option of the two," Michael's grinning big and proper now, and Luke can't help but grin back, pulling his phone from his back pocket to text Calum, because if he knows Ashton at all that fucker won't answer any call or text he sends, no matter how urgent it seems.

Almost immediately after Luke's message is sent he receives a reply;

_Me? Not giving into the chance to have a COCKTAIL?! We'll be there_

\-----------------------------

Luke wakes up the next morning in a room that definitely isn't his, because there's clothes thrown everywhere and whoever this heathen is doesn't know how to close the goddamn curtains properly either, because the sunlight is literally burning his back and he feels like he's gonna die if he doesn't turn the AC on.

The next thing he's aware of once he peels his sleep crusted eyes open properly, is that he's butt naked. He turns over and there's nobody in the bed next to him, thank god, and he immediately recognises the room as Michael's. This had happened before, especially when Michael would spend the night out of the apartment, just for the sole fact that his room was a lot closer to the bathroom than Luke's was and Luke was a serial vomiter who needed that extra bit of security.

But then all of a sudden Luke's memory comes back a little and he's hyper aware of the feeling of rough hands all over his body, and his flashbacks are confirmed when he notices the bruising on his hips and feels the sting of sharp bites on his torso.

And he thinks, that surely there is no way that was Michael, maybe Michael was elsewhere and that was why Luke chose his room to do the dirty in, but also even when clearly intoxicated beyond belief Luke had always had the common decency to not use Michael's bed for that sort of thing. It's gross to think that fucking in your best friends bed is okay, no matter how long they'd known each other for or how comfortable they were with each other. 

It feels like hours before Luke musters up the courage to get up, grabbing his shirt and underwear from the night before from the floor and throwing them on haphazardly. His head is pounding and he really needs a glass of water before his tongue falls off from sheer dehydration.

He stumbles through the short expanse of hallway and into the open plan living area and kitchen, paying no attention to his surroundings until he gets to the fridge and pulls out easily the sexiest looking bottle of water he's ever seen in his life. Luke isn't much of a drinker anymore at all, tries to avoid alcohol as much as possible since his stint in rehab, because he's worried he might fall back into old habits, so he takes it easy usually but from what he can remember of the night before it was a wild one and he drank far too much whiskey, and much to Calum's delight _far too many cocktails_.

He's halfway through gulping down the bottle of water when he's suddenly hyper-aware of another presence in the room, and he looks over to see Michael sprawled out over one couch and the coffee table, balancing his legs over the table and his torso on the couch, still fast asleep and pretty much dead to the world with his bare expanse of back and shoulders out for the whole room to see.

Luke catches himself in a lingering stare for longer than he'd care to admit, Michael is all milky skin and soft dips, he's not chunky anymore like he once was when Luke first met him, but he's certainly not muscular either like Ashton or even Luke, he's just _nice_. Michael stirs a bit in his sleep and Luke jumps out of his skin, deliberately turning away to pretend like he'd been looking out of the window this whole time to take in the scenery. Luke could tell by how high the sun was in the sky that it was clearly midday, he honestly can't remember the last time he ever slept this late in the day.

"Nice arse," is the first thing Michael says and Luke jumps again, eyes darting over to where Michael is looking up at him over the back of the couch, and Luke instinctively goes to grab his own ass to hide it from view even though he's aware that it's covered and Michael is just being crude. Michael's laugh bellows out of him and Luke can't help but smile at it, because clearly his idea worked and Michael is in a much better state of mind today even with the hangover.

"How you feeling?" Luke asks, taking another sip from his water, aware of the fact now that guzzling the water to begin with wasn't the best idea in the world because his stomach is stirring like he could be sick at any moment.

"I'm good, I should ask how _you're_ doing," Michael wiggles his eyebrows at Luke, finally getting up off the couch and _Jesus fucking Christ_ Michael is ass naked, dick swinging in the breeze like it's nothing and Luke needs to start looking anywhere other than at Michael's flacid penis, since when was there a new painting on that back wall?

"I'm okay?" Luke says, almost like it's a question, eyes still adverted from Michael's clearly naked body, "you don't know who that girl was that I took back last night did you?"

Michael looks at Luke with blank eyes, halfway through putting his underwear on, like he has no clue what Luke is asking him about, "You didn't take a girl back?" 

"Are you sure?" Luke asks, confused a little at that because he could swear he did, "Mate, I'm literally covered in bruises and bite marks I must've been with somebody?" 

Michael laughs a little under his breath, eyes scanning the room for his t-shirt, "Oh, that wasn't a girl," wait, _what?_ , "it was some random guy who was at the party back at Cal and Ashton's house." 

And suddenly Luke feels sick, like he could literally die inside and curl up into a ball forever, because seriously what the fuck? Luke wasn't into guys at all, had never so much as found another man attractive - Michael and Harry Styles didn't count, because he could appreciate a good looking man and they were good looking men for sure - Luke grips on to the kitchen sink and voices his thoughts, "What?"

Michael's eyes narrow in on Luke as if he has no idea why Luke is so stressed out about this, "Luke it's okay, shit happens when you're drunk it doesn't mean anything," and he makes like he's about to come over to comfort Luke, but Luke is quick to put his arm out to stop him coming any closer, and Michael looks like he's going to cry, "Luke, c'mon you're not the first person in this band to do it."

And Luke knows that Michael is right because it's clear as day with all the touching that Calum and Ashton are clearly more than friends and have been for a while, even if it's just casual, and Michael never denied that he was attracted to men, Christ Luke had seen Michael with men before. But, as much as Luke was an ally, he just wasn't that person. He liked soft curves and long hair and feminine features, he wasn't a man who liked men.

"I have to go," is the last thing that leaves Luke's mouth before he's disappearing off down the hall, never even sparing a second glance to Michael.

\-----------------------------

It doesn't come up in conversation again, nobody even acknowledges it. Luke is thankful for Michael, because he knows it's Michael who told the rest of the guys to drop it and not ask.

Their fourth album dropped, tour was rescheduled because the world sucked and suddenly Luke and Michael were trapped together for weeks with no other social contact other than via FaceTime or texting. Michael took to downloading TikTok and trying to get Luke to join in on the cringey dances, which for the most part Luke actually did participate in but made Michael promise the videos would never, ever see the light of day. Michael pouted but agreed, so Luke saw that as a win.

Luke's lying in his bed, they're two weeks into isolation and he's genuinely considering hitting up an old hook up for some sexting, because life is boring and he's horny. But then he remembers that sexting is nasty and he's in his twenties now he's not a teenager anymore. Not only that but there's worse things in the world going on than Luke's dick needing attention and he didn't want to gross anybody out by asking if they'd be into that in a time like this. Also, the Cloud kinda sucked and he didn't want to be the next band mate who was victim to nude leaking, Calum is still yet to live it down.

His bedroom door swings open and he's greeted with Michael looking all soft in his old checkered pyjamas that Luke is pretty sure Michael's had since he was fifteen but he still refuses to throw them out. Michael doesn't even say anything, he just plods in and pulls the covers from Luke, clambering into bed with him, all freshly cleaned hair and moisturised skin.

"Can I help you?" Luke asks, turning away from his phone screen properly this time to put his attention on Michael, and he really is the cutest thing Luke has ever seen when he's all sleepy and cuddly. He misses their cuddle sessions from back in the day when they had no option but to share a bed in whatever crappy hotel they got booked into for the night, Michael was always the best cuddler.

"This is driving me insane," Michael huffs, turning onto his side to stare Luke in the face, "I thought being stuck in the house for weeks with nothing to do would be the best thing ever, but this sucks ass, man."

"Michael there's worse going on than being stuck in the house all day," Luke deadpans, because _it's fucking true_ , no matter how much Luke agrees that it really does suck and he's bored too, "must admit though, it's hard to find song writing inspiration when I'm in the same four walls and stuck looking at you all day." He fake grimaces, to which Michael lets out an offended gasp.

"You could write a million songs about me and all of them would be about how great I am and how much you love me, lets face it," Michael scoffs, "I'm a catch and you know it, you're in love with me." 

Luke can't argue, he really does love Michael, but in a totally platonic best friend way, definitely not in a 'I want to marry you' kinda way. Not at all.

"Do you wanna talk about what happened last month?" Michael asks, voice suddenly all soft like he's afraid to say the words, "I know you got uptight the last time and I totally get it, but I just want you to know I'm here to talk to if you want to get it off your chest."

Luke sighs, because _yeah_ he does want to talk about it, but he also is afraid of how to word it or how to voice his feelings on the whole matter because he doesn't know how he actually feels. He couldn't look himself in the mirror for a week after, couldn't bare to look at the bruises and marks on his body that he knew were left behind by a man, and a total stranger. Somebody who's name he doesn't even remember, somebody who he'll never see again. He feels disgusting, even if it is only for that reason.

"I just," Luke stops himself, huffing a little because he's not sure he wants to say what he's going to say, but he musters up the courage, "I feel a little confused and almost, like, violated? I was really, really drunk that night and out of my mind, I know in my right mind I wouldn't of done that especially with a stranger, and I know I must've given my consent because Cal and Ash don't hang around with total rapey loser types, but I feel like I betrayed myself and my body? I'm not like that, not even with women, but for my first sexual experience with a guy to have been when I was completely out of it and unaware of my actions I just feel gross."

Michael's eyes go all sympathetic, he reaches an arm out to swing loosely over Luke's middle, Luke feels a little bit grounded by it, "My first experience with a guy was kind of the same," Michael admits, shrugging a bit, "I remember Niall taking us to this bar in London after a show, this guy must've been around our age, but he was cute and he was easy to talk to, and I was drinking far too much because Niall and Ashton could both handle their liquor a lot better than I could, then the next memory I had was waking up in this random hotel next to this guy. I didn't remember how I got there or what happened when I got there, I had no idea where I was because I was in this foreign city and I didn't see anybody I knew. I was scared, but when I eventually got a hold of Ashton and he came to pick me up, I spilled my guts and I told him that I knew I did it because I wanted to. My next experience I was sober and it was with somebody I knew, then I eventually got it that well, hey, I do like guys and that's okay."

Luke's breath hitches, he had no idea about any of this. Luke was the youngest and sadly didn't look like he was old enough to get into bars even in the UK where the legal age was eighteen, so he was left in the hotel on his own a lot, sometimes Calum stayed but mostly he went because he wanted to look cool and flex that he was hanging out with One Direction all the time. Luke suddenly feels sad that Michael went through that and never told him, that Michael felt like he couldn't go to him and pour his heart out.

"What I'm trying to say is, maybe you did something that you didn't realise you wanted or needed until it happened, and I know that you're confused and probably angry at yourself or even him, because I know I was when it happened to me, but don't beat yourself up over it because you don't need to. It's okay to have this sort of 'awakening' at our age, it's also okay to give into it sometimes," Michael even does the air quotes when he's speaking and Luke smirks at that, shakes his head a little.

"I think I just didn't want to admit to myself that it was something I ever wanted," Luke says, and it almost feels like the weight is beginning to lift off his chest the more he opens up about it, "I have always been that person to say 'you love who you love', I just never thought I'd be the person to find myself attracted to other men, I can appreciate a good looking guy but I'd never even considered that I could be attracted to one like that." 

_You're lying_ Luke's internal monologue tells him, because of course he is, it's right in front of him and has been this whole time, he's been attracted to Michael for as long as he can remember, even if he pushed those feelings to the back of his head or not. The lingering stares, the soft touches they shared, the way Luke's heart skipped when Michael would nuzzle into him, the way Luke would get jealous whenever he saw Michael draped over another person. It was there and staring him in the face for years, since they were teenagers and Michael admitted that he thought Jack was hot and Luke got angry and didn't talk to Michael or his brother for days.

"Nah I get that," Michael agrees eventually, unaware of the thoughts whizzing around Luke's head, "I just hope that if you ever decide to do it again you are in a better state of mind and you know for sure that you want to do it, maybe even make sure that you at least know the person's name the next time, even if you don't know him properly. You need to be safe, it's scary out there." 

Michael's voice is laced with concern and Luke kind of turns into a puddle of goo then and there, because he knows Michael cares about him so much and his belly does this little flutter thinking about it. He tries to push it away because Michael is still dealing with the aftermath of his break-up and Luke isn't even sure what he wants, and whatever happens he doesn't want it to be with Michael, for the sake of them both and for the sake of Calum and Ashton too, they don't need that to worry about on top of what they already have on their plates looking after both Luke and Michael individually.

Luke realises a second too late that his hand has come up to cup Michael's cheek, and all of a sudden he's aware of every single inch of his body feeling like it's on fire, but Michael relaxes and goes soft under Luke's touch as if he's comforted by it. They don't say anything, they just look at each other for a moment whilst Luke brushes his thumb over Michael's cheekbone, for Luke's own sake he needs to get Michael to leave before he does something stupid and makes a fool of himself.

"You mean so much to me," Luke whispers eventually, he's not even aware that he's said it until the words are out into the cool air, "you always know what to say whenever I feel like I'm floundering and I can't breathe under the weight of my own thoughts. It's like you just know how to look after me when I'm drowning."

"Luke, I," suddenly Michael stops himself from whatever he's about to say, then his grip on Luke's waist tightens a little, "I love you a whole lot and you mean everything to me, that's why I've been here for you all these years and I never gave up on you even when I felt like I needed to for my own sanity. You mean _everything_ , you are the reason I am the person I am today, that's why I couldn't leave you on your own, because I need you as much as you know you need me. We need each other to live and to thrive, I wasn't ready to give you up when she wanted me to and that's why she left me. I was okay with that, because I knew I had you to come home to and I was right, you were there and ready to put my pieces back together like I always am for you. That's how I knew I made the right decision."

Luke's breathing goes shallow and he's aware that the pillow is wet under his face so clearly he's crying a little, he leans forward a little, "Is this okay?" he asks softly, running his thumb over Michael's swollen bottom lip, looking at it as he asks.

"Of course it is," Michael whispers back, that's all the reassurance Luke needs before he's surging forward that last little bit and captures Michael's lips with his own. It's soft and sweet, it doesn't last for long but it's something that now that it happened, Luke has clearly needed all this time and he didn't even realise it. 

"What does this mean?" He asks eventually, as Michael pulls them closer together for a proper hug, he's softly kissing Luke's neck and it's the most comforting thing to Luke right now, he sighs softly.

"I don't know, but all I know is I love you and you love me and that's all we need to know until we figure this out properly," Michael hums softly, then leans back up for another kiss, and this one lingers a lot longer than the last.

\-----------------------------

It's July and the tour has finally been rescheduled properly, the city of L.A is bustling with people once again and it's almost as if the past half a year has never happened. Luke has never been so relieved for life to go back to normality, to finally see everybody he'd been missing for months and embrace them, to go back to his favourite coffee place for a caramel latte, to get back into the studio and write some fucking music that he was finally inspired to write.

He huddles into the studio to find Ashton and Calum already set up ready to go, and Ashton's grin is so wide he looks like he has a hundred teeth, "So," Ashton says eventually, "I've missed you arseholes and living with Calum with no other company was a nightmare, you're free to take him away forever I don't want him anymore." 

"I don't want him," comes Michael's voice from inside the booth, he'd clearly been hiding in the corner fucking around with some cables because he's a psychopath who looks things over a million times before they can start, "I have enough on my plate with Luke, he's the worst." Michael looks up and catches Luke's eye, winking at him, and Luke can't hide his blush. 

"You're both gross, also I'm mortified that you wouldn't even sell me off for a fee, I'm a fucking delight and you're getting rid of me with no charge," Calum's offended, his voice laced with a false hurt as he clutches his chest.

"Cry me a river," Ashton says eventually, pouting out his bottom lip at Calum in mockery, then his attention turns back to Luke, "so, when were you going to tell me you guys were fucking?" Ash says it so casually like it's the most normal question in the world, and Luke chokes on his coffee, feeling like he's about ready to cough up a lung.

"Not got that far yet mate," Michael calls from the booth, Luke knows Michael's just teasing but his eyes bug out of his head as if to tell Michael to just shut the fuck up already, Michael gives him a kissy face and ignores Luke's whining.

"I didn't realise it was that obvious," Luke coughs, putting his coffee down on the nearest surface which happens to be the stool that Calum's ass is currently sat on, so if it tips he's prepared to throw a full on fit at it because that's his first properly brewed latte in three months and goddamnit he needs it if he's gonna have to put up with these three for the next twelve hours.

"It wasn't, Mike told us the second he came in, real smooth by the way, walking in separately and making it totally weird," Calum scrunches his nose up, "I'm just glad it finally happened, eight years of sexual tension was long enough and I was ready to say something."

Luke squawks loudly, "I hate you all, can we just get on with the fucking music making and leave my dick out of the conversation?"

Suddenly, Michael's behind Luke with his arms snaked around his waist, head rested on Luke's weirdly large shoulder, "Love you, Lukey," and it's not mocking, Luke knows he means it, and he relaxes in Michael's grip.

"Love you too," Luke whispers back, smirking a little.

He pretends to not notice Calum and Ashton fake gagging in the background, because not even they could ruin this moment.


End file.
